Emotional Support Jalapeños

May 23, 2026

I had the best fajita and spicy marg combination of my life in Charleston, WV on Thursday night. I worked half a day and then hit the road to spend the long weekend (and then some) with my family in Kentucky. I stopped overnight in Charleston and shared the little Fairfield by Marriott with about 400 track and field stars from WV high schools who were in town for a state meet. When asked if her students had been well-behaved by one of the coaches, one older gentleman in the hotel elevator said “well, define behaved.” Anyway, before I got to the hotel, I stopped at the first Mexican restaurant Google showed me and ended up sitting alone reading my book while enjoying this delicious margarita. The bartender was so generous with the jalapeño flavor that the seeds were swimming all over the glass and kept getting stuck in my straw. It was perfection.

This feels so foreign but so familiar. Sitting alone over dinner, staying alone in hotels. I’ve done it a million times as a 30-something unmarried woman who loves road trips. I used to do this all the time. I took a beach trip by myself to run a half marathon once, and once spent my very cold February birthday in Roanoke hiking by myself. Hell, I even spent a week in Paris by myself. It’s fun. I love being completely in charge of the itinerary and the food choices. But this little stop in West Virginia was my first time stretching this lonely traveler muscle in a while. It felt awkward, a little sad, and also, very freeing. I slowly felt the cool confidence creep over me once more-calmed by that voice whispering in the back of my mind that tells me there is nothing on this earth I cannot enjoy by myself and that my happiness is never dependent on having a partner to enjoy with me. Boosted by my emotional support jalapeños.

There are a number of things about my recent life changes that have been challenging, but the thing that keeps making me spiral is the understanding that I’m about to be spending a lot more time alone. I don’t have my default fajita partner or my roller coaster buddy. I don’t have someone to carry the cooler to the pool while I carry the noodles and sunscreen. I don’t have someone to spend the day floating down the Shenandoah River in a tube beside me. No one is going to tie their tube to mine and keep me from crashing into rocks. No one is going to text me tomorrow am to tell me I’m beautiful. No one is going to take me to a movie on a rainy Sunday. I can’t buy 2 baseball tickets and automatically know who I’m calling first.

None of this is news to you. We all know that relationships end and routines get nuked. We are really good at adapting. I also know that some of my readers have been divorced or dealt with the death of a partner/spouse – both of which are very different situations. I wasn’t living with my partner, so I didn’t have to move out. We didn’t have to deal with custody of any children or pets or plants. There were no financial ties or legal fees involved. He’s not going to text me in 9 months with a question about taxes or asking if I know our child’s iPad passcode. I fully recognize that it could have been much worse. But, please, let me be sad and worry about roller coasters. Because who the fuck is going to ride them with me?! And will they be willing to spend the extra money on a fast pass? This is the thing my brain keeps settling on.

I teared up in the office a couple weeks ago and told my teammates I wouldn’t make it to our team pickleball outing because I was going through this heartbreaking thing. One of them gave me a hug and told me we were going to happy hour at Jimmy’s Old Town Tavern (my favorite dive that I talk to them about all the time) and then I dried my eyes and disappeared for hours in a wall of meetings. When I returned to my desk, my teammates and other work friends had all independently left the building and returned with treats for me. On my desk I found flowers, a cake that had my catchphrase on it (“I don’t care what anyone says, you’re doing great!”), chic fil a lunch, a coke, chocolate covered strawberries, and a jar of hot jalapeños. Emotional support jalapeños. I burst into tears when I saw the display, partly because I think my brain completely forgot that there were so many other ways you can find love in this world outside of romance. It can be as simple as the co-worker you thought didn’t really even like you that much showing up with a Wegman’s cake. It overwhelmed me with hope and understanding that these people and my other friends/family were going to help me get through this. Friends, family, and emotional support jalapeños.

Here’s a list of additional ways people and jalapeños have given me strength in the last two weeks:

1. My friend did a 4-minute breathing exercise with me to help me get ready for a phone interview when I couldn’t stop sobbing.
2. Every single friend I called answered the phone just so I could tell my story out loud.
3. One friend invited me to spend a Sunday with her and her two babies. We had tacos and spicy margs and I gave her two year old her first spicy marg (ice water with a lime). The margarita and the oxytocin from holding a little baby were a great combo.
4. Two friends took me out on a Saturday night for spicy margs and steak frites and some martinis I didn’t need.
5. My coworkers went to Jimmys with me for cheap cocktails and chicken wings and didn’t complain even though they definitely didn’t like Jimmy’s as much as I do.
6. I went to a going-away party for a friend at work and one of my work friends who is a mom let me talk about losing my role as cosplay mom. She also made me a s’more while we talked.
7. My coworker taught me how to play pickleball after work.
8. FIVE women from work showed up for my “emergency happy hour” that I planned at Bunnyman Brewery with less than 20 hours notice.
9. I drove two coworkers to DC for a boat cruise event our account was hosting and I had to pee before we got on the boat. We ran into BarTaco so I could use the facilities and when I came out, my coworker had ordered me a spicy marg with tajin on the rim (“just because I had a feeling you like tajin.”) All without me even asking.

The list goes on. All of these people and jalapeños showed up for me in my hour of need and helped me feel so grounded even when my world was turning upside down. I know the voice in my head that’s telling me I can still do all the things I want to do this summer even without a partner to lean on is right. And I may very well do some of those things on my own- which will be fine and fun. But I am not alone. I am not alone. Where there are good people and good books to read and good spicy margs with lots of jalapeños, I will not be alone.