September 7, 2026
Well, dear reader, here I am to update you on all the things I told you I would report back on in my previous couple of posts! I’m winding down a Labor Day weekend that was nothing short of a dream. Remember all that homework my therapist gave me? I continue to absolutely crush the shit out of that to-do list! I have been taking stupid outdoor walks every morning for my stupid mental health. Each morning, after I drink my tea and do a bit of writing, I take my old puppy out and set a 15 minute timer for a walkie. This isn’t much different from our normal routine, except for the part where we walk even when it’s HOT AS HELL outside. More than once last week, poor Maudie was pulling on her harness as hard as her 38-pound body could pull to get me to take her back to her air-conditioned castle. Sorry, Maudie dog, but we have to do this to fix our warped little minds. Seriously, one thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is the fact that MY depression probably feeds into some depression for Maudie. If I’m sitting miserably in the dark, SHE is sitting miserably in the dark. If I’m not leaving the house, she isn’t leaving the house. And I don’t want my sweet baby puppy to be depressed! So, we walk. And we’ve done it every day for 7 days.
My other homework assignments? Crushed those too. I have been drinking saffron tea like it’s my job. I take the magnesium every morning. And every night before bed, I write down three things from the day that I am proud of doing. Some of these have been really mundane points of pride like “I’m proud of taking Maudie for a walk even though it was hot” or “I’m proud that I stayed up past 9:30 pm”, but others have been bigger like “I’m proud of myself for getting the Ellen Gabriel fellowship at work” or “I’m proud of removing myself from that tough situation.” I also took my therapist’s advice and experienced a “new” thing (a new activity or place, as she put it) to fill my cup instead of everyone else’s. In fact, I did a bunch of new things:
- I took Maudie and a friend on a hike to a new place (Bear’s Den in Bluemont)
- I had brunch at a new restaurant with a friend in Fairfax
- I went to a witchy store by myself called “Sticks and Stones” that I had never been to before. I bought some crystals and candles.
- I went shopping in Leesburg with two friends and visited several new shops including a really funky magic shop called Gothicary and an adorable boutique where I bought myself a really fancy teacup (for all my fancy tea!)
- I went to Spider Kelly’s in Clarendon SOBER and in the DAYTIME!
- I stopped at a farmer’s market down the street from my house and bought myself some tomatoes and the spiciest, most delicious pico I’ve ever eaten.
- I opened the crochet kit I mentioned in my previous post and did TWO stitches
- I made a “me” map and hung it up on my bedroom door (another suggestion that came from my “Buy Yourself the F**king Lilies” book, which continues to be a huge help, btw)
- I started writing “Morning Pages” (see previous post)
Let’s talk about these Morning Pages a little bit. I really thought waking up and writing multiple pages of prose about my life and how I feel would be a tough assignment, but obviously I’m pretty good at droning on and on about myself once I get going. It’s actually super easy and helpful. I can’t share much that I’ve written in those pages because I talk a ton of shit in them and complain a lot (more than I do here if you can believe that), but here’s an unedited excerpt:
Ok – here I am writing my stupid morning pages for my stupid mental health before I get dressed and go on my stupid walk outside on this beautiful morning for my stupid mental health. I’m not as grumpy as I sound – just a little sleepy. But my stupid tea kettle is heating up my water so I can drink my delightfully stupid saffron and raspberry tea…for my stupid mental health.
Alright, morning pages, let’s fucking go. I guess I’ll just talk about yesterday. So my friend and I got up early-ish to go for a little hike at Bear’s Den in Bluemont. As customary for my hikes, we got a bit lost. We also had an uncomfortable experience with some women in the woods who were asking for directions to some place called “the Lodge”. There were a whole gaggle of them standing together when we came upon them on the trail. First they warned us about some bees up the trail because two of them had apparently been stung by these fucking bees. Then they asked us about “the lodge”. They were trying to find “the lodge.” I tried to clarify with the apparent ring leader of this group, “oh do you mean the visitor’s center?”
She just said, “yeah, the lodge.” Confusingly, another woman in the group added, “we just came from the lodge.”
“If you just came from the lodge, why are you trying to find it?”
“No, no we just came from the camp ground, we want to find the lodge.”
“Do you mean the visitors center?”
“Yes, the lodge.”
So I start to tell these women to just continue going in the direction they are headed, and when they get to a fork in the trail, take a right. “You’ll turn right, and after a bit, the Bear’s Den overlook will be on your left and…” *RUDE MID-SENTENCE INTERRUPTION*
“We aren’t looking for the overlook, we are looking for the lodge.”
It was at this point that I slowed my speech down and spoke loudly like you would when talking to your hard-of-hearing great grandpa. “Right, what I was going to say is that the visitor’s center is right across from that overlook. You’ll take another right and then you’ll find it.”
“We aren’t looking for the visitor’s center, we are looking for the lodge.”
OMFG it seemed like this interaction went on for ages, and I kept looking at my friend for help, but every time I looked back at her she was still catching her breath from the hill we had just climbed and her eyes were glazed over in sheer disbelief and resignation.
Fuck. It’s annoying when you try your absolute best to communicate and don’t feel heard. What’s particularly annoying about that situation is that I am sure those women thought they were being perfectly clear in their asks, just as I thought I was being perfectly clear in my response. But something wasn’t clicking and in the end, we all ended up visibly frustrated with one another. So we bid them farewell and good luck, and set off to try our best to avoid these homicidal bees that were apparently stalking the trail.
End scene. I started talking shit about someone in the next sentence of my Morning Pages – mostly complaining about their inability to communicate and how frustrated and CRAZY I have felt being so misunderstood when I feel I have been a world-class communicator extraordinaire. But I felt like I was communicating clearly to the bee ladies in the woods, and we were collectively on about 12 different pages. As a head-strong millennial woman, I would like to just say they were the problem and HOLY SHIT WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS WRONG WITH THOSE BEE LADIES? But maybe something about the situation (me being out of breath and disoriented from being lost myself, them being afraid of the bees and also lost, my dog being so cute that no one could focus?) created a perfect storm for us to misunderstand each other. I have no idea, and I would never want to make excuses for someone else’s shitty communication when there is ample opportunity to talk shit about them in my journal…but maybe I’m being too hard on the bee ladies and the other shitty communicators in my life.
See? Aren’t I growing before your eyes? This is why it’s important to do your homework, kids. For your stupid mental health.
Cluelessness is the Mother of Invention 