Empowered

March 10, 2024

Another International Women’s Day has come and gone. I spent the day teaching a class on building a personal brand, and then briefing some math stuff to some potential future clients. I was wearing a homemade sweatshirt that said “Empowered Women Empower Women”. In a sick twist of fate, when I was up late on Thursday night making these sweatshirts and some cute pencil pouches and other swag for my lady friends at work, my smoke alarm started chirping. I took my step ladder down to the bedroom to try to replace the battery and I couldn’t reach the alarm to do so. Around 1 am, I gave up sleeping through the chirping sound and jumped up to rip the damn thing off the ceiling and finally got some relief. How ridiculous. A homeowner who claims to be self sufficient found herself in a position where she was nearly driven to madness by a chirping smoke detector. I didn’t feel that empowered after all.

I don’t feel empowered today either. I met a man at a bar on Friday and he seemed pretty excited to take me on a date today, but of course he has since ghosted me. I know this is the 900th time I’ve told you guys about something like this and there’s nothing you or I can do to change this stupid dating culture. But all I know is that it really hurts. These things happen enough that I start to think there really is something wrong with me. Maybe I am a walking red flag (see previous post) and there is no man out there who will want to spend time with me. Such a red flag that I don’t warrant a text that says “Hey Rebecca, I’d rather not go to lunch today. You should make other plans.” Anyway, I’ve been sitting in my house listening to the wind howl all day, napping as much as my body will allow. Empowered, my ass.

I try to be a role model for the women around me, especially at work. I try to lift them up and encourage them and make them feel important. One girl sent me a note on Friday saying “Thank you for making every day feel like Women’s Day!” and it was one of the greatest notes of appreciation I’ve ever received. These ladies are so smart and funny and kind and tough – I want them to feel special every day. So when I get like this – all down on myself and upset about men or loneliness, I feel like I’m failing at my mission. An empowered woman probably wouldn’t take Benadryl to sleep through a Sunday because she’s so hurt over a man she spent about 90 minutes with at a bar. An empowered woman wouldn’t cry in the car over a Bumble message from a man who decided that the two of you were incompatible without ever speaking to you. An empowered woman wouldn’t be like this. An empowered woman would make herself feel special and validated rather than crying about all the men who don’t want to do that for her. An empowered woman would spend Women’s History month celebrating the capable, strong women around her instead of lamenting the men she tries to date and some of the predictable things they do.

So I guess I’ll take a second and empower myself to think about women and what they mean to me.

My best friend is a woman. She is a teacher, a great wife, a beacon of strength, a calm force to counter my chaotic nature.

My mom is a woman. She is tough and spunky and makes the best baked beans and fried potatoes. She gives me tough love when I need it and unconditional love every other second.

My sister is a woman. She is so creative and the nicest person I know. We have the same hair color and crippling anxiety. She’s a great friend. She’s an awesome mom.

My niece will be a woman soon enough. She is funny and athletic and crafty. Her love language is giving gifts and every time she sees me, she has some sort of jewelry she has made just for me.

My friend Jessi is a woman. I love to talk about books with her and she always makes me feel special and heard. She is an advocate and an ally for people around her.

Some of my coworkers are women. Brenna is wise and brilliant and always on my team. Lacey is tenacious and creative and dependable. Arthi makes me smile and feel loved. Brooke keeps me in stitches and is a great mentor.

A dear friend that I miss terribly is a woman. She is hilarious and emotionally intelligent and caring. I hope she knows how much I miss her and want her to thrive. I messed everything up. I’m sorry.

These are just a few of the women I woke up thinking about on Friday morning. I see you all working hard, taking care of your kids and/or the people around you, making sacrifices. I see you doing your best to grow and learn every day. I see you trying to make the best of this messy, imperfect, fucked up ride called life. I see you and I appreciate you and I thank you for everything you’ve done for me and will continue to do in the future.

I hope you take a second (or much more than a second) to pat yourself on the back and appreciate all the good you bring to the world. The world would be so much duller without you in it. And I’ll do the same for myself and recognize that I may not feel like an empowered badass every second of every day. I’m not always as strong as I want to be or as classy or as slow to anger. But I can always empower myself to shift my thinking, change my mind, and make better choices next time. And when in doubt, I can model my behavior after some of the amazing women I am blessed to know.