You Are Good

October 31, 2021

I was on the phone with my mom last night after a couple of strawberry margaritas, and I could hear that she had Young Frankenstein on in the background. The movie plot had progressed to that part where Dr. Frankenstein is starting to accept the monster he created in his lab and is beginning to show him love. He says to the Monster:

Hello handsome. You’re a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because… they are jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a God. And listen to me, you are not evil. You… are… good. This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother’s angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I’m going to teach you. I’m going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.

You are good. These words cause the Monster to dissolve into tears as Dr. Frankenstein pulls him into a hug. To a monster who has no companions, no history, no structured upbringing with complete with clear pictures of right and wrong and unconditional love through it all, hearing the words You…are…good must have been a powerful signal of acceptance and trust. Last night when I heard that line, my drunk little ass kept my mom entertained for about an hour shouting “YOU ARE GOOD” into her ear on the phone and going on and on about how that’s all anyone on planet earth really wants to hear. We all just want some confirmation that we are accepted and that someone on this giant planet thinks that we – that is, our being, our existence, the space we take up on this land – are good. In a world where so many things are bad, and so many unfortunate events happen, and you encounter so many people who let you down all the time with their human ways (while you are busy letting them down too) – how lovely it is when someone who is swimming through the exact same shit-pile that you are looks at you and says YOU ARE GOOD. You are a gruesome, disfigured, delayed, confused Monster, and yet, you are good.

I’ve been blessed my entire life with people who look at the little monster that I am and tell me that I am still good. I have one friend who randomly texts me words of encouragement when I’m least expecting it. I have friends and family who offer me good advice and bad advice and patience when I ultimately ignore their advice, and know the truth about every ugly, bitter, angry part of me and still tell me I am loved and deserving. And they don’t say it because they know I need to hear it – they say it because they believe it. They believe I am good – that all the lovely, thoughtful and kind things I do and say somehow outweigh my mistakes. They all listen to me tell stories where I am sometimes the hero, other times the villain, or other times the willing victim or bystander who gets in the way – and no matter which role I fill; antagonist, protagonist, annoying pest or comic relief character – they still tell me I am good.

If you are reading this today, I just want you to know that you are good. I don’t know why – some of my readers are complete strangers. But if you want to know why, just ask your friends, significant others or family and they’ll be able to tell you. And then you be sure to tell them all the reasons they are good. It seems trivial – something so simple that Frankenstein’s simple-minded monster understood it perfectly, but you have no idea who needs to hear it today or might need to hear it tomorrow, or the next day. Grab all of the monsters in your life that you believe are good and tell them that they are.

*Also – it never hurts to say it to yourself too.